Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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