The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
