Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
