is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you would pick up someone in the library
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
