I showed him my bush... on skype.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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