I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I believe in your delicious
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
