and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
