Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
