ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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