So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you win again, gameday.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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