apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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