My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
