Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
