I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
