I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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