The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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