yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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