The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
