Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
