i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
ttyl tear gas
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You may now shotgun with the bride
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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