So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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