you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
