Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
