Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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