Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
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Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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