He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
