NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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