In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
