Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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