my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
