Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
