My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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