that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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