i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
