i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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