Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
