maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
