You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
