1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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