Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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