Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
