I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
