OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
