yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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