I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
