Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
