i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
