i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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