dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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