I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
even my farts smell like vagina
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize