WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
