my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
