The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We left the knife in your bed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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