imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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