I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
