11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
