This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
