did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
