I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
