I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
