FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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