Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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