After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
