I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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