I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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