There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
