I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
