so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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