I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
