Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
