Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
