thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
