people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
