saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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