I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
