he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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