sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
