Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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